Narcissists are the folkloric monsters of today. They’re shrouded in mythology and hearsay – how they live to ruin the innocent, lack empathy entirely, and love themselves so smugly that there’s not the slimmest chance of one ever reforming.
This isn’t an accurate picture, of course. Many narcissists do possess empathy, albeit a spotty kind. Many have abysmal self-esteem, wishing desperately to change. Many make impulsive, irrational choices that derail their lives. It is true that narcissists can manipulate others, sometimes very cruelly, but the manipulation is rarely serving a stable, contented existence for the narcissist. If we’re really striving to spotlight the victims of mental illness – a noble endeavor – I want to see narcissists included.
Myths always fill a function. In the case of narcissists, their distorted picture helps us feel better about cutting ties. It’s easier to shut a narcissist out of one’s life, if one is convinced that they’re a malicious breed of human.
But we don’t need the myth. Our feelings are enough. If there’s a narcissist in your life (or any person with abusive tendencies) who’s hurting you more than you can take, you’re allowed to end that relationship. They don’t have to be an essentially evil being for that to be okay. Your hurt matters more than what they are or aren’t.
When we believe fully in our own experience, we don’t have to believe in monsters.